Chelsea Swan

Girlhood by Mellissa Febos a collection of seven essays that focus on the period between adolescence and womanhood, a time when women initially reap the consequences of the ways that society has conditioned us to cater to the needs and desires of others (men), while losing ourselves in the process. It explores the contradictions of girlhood, such as being raised to please, to get our self-worth from how pliable we are and how pleasing we are, but then if we don’t want sex we are in control of saying no, but that means upsetting a man, and if you say yes you are dirty and easy, so how do you win, what is right. Pleasure, honestly, gut feeling, is not even part of our training. This cultural conditioning is difficult to navigate even as a full adult. It is profoundly harmful when you are a child.  There is kindness through this book she has laid it all out for other women to understand their own training. Febos tackles different narratives that girls and women are taught that prioritize the comfort, pleasure, success, feelings, etc of men over even women’s safety, let alone their freedom or happiness.

“By the time I was thirteen, I had divorced my body. Like a bitter divorced parent, I accepted that our collaboration was mandatory. I needed her and hated her all the more for it.”

I have trouble using the term patriarchy as it is a system, we all contribute to and patriarchy feels like singling out and blaming men when it’s a system wide issue of power and control. I also have trouble singling out men as the instigators and controllers of the system as I truly believe they are also manipulated and trained and reap their own misfortunes from the system.