Chelsea Swan

My work is a processing of the state of being a woman and the implications that that has had on my life. It is a documenting of my thoughts, feelings and the things that have happened to me in the hope that (1) it is cathartic and I am better able to understand and process / transform these events and possibly make something more beautiful and positive from them. (2) so that others can see themselves and their lives as valid and relevant, to make others like me feel less alone and isolated. (3) to make others question the systems, the way we treat women, and the construction of gender in society. My work is overall about the lived experience of being a woman, the interrelation and association of the inner and outer self in this experience.

Themes in my work

To be seen, to be known, to be understood, to make others feel seen, known and understood. This may be an impossible goal but then making progress in that direction is worthwhile.

The loneliness//isolation//otherness. A lack of identification. I want to find or create a space for myself and for possibly others. Connections, interconnection is a big part of my process. Connection or lack of is a theme in my life. I want to also feel connected. I want to connect with others. I want them to feel connected.

I turn the gaze on myself by using my own body. In this way I also give myself the strength and freedom and permissions denied to me. I take ownership of my own body and my own life. However, to what extent can I also do this when my body is a political and consumerist issue. I do not own my own body. It is not mine. I only own the inner, my experiences and interpretations.

Fantasy and creation are a form of escapism, as well as a way of safely processing and a way of transforming pain. Fantasy and escapism and play and absurdity are all one in the way in which I create and process ideas.

Subversion, the act of overthrowing/an attempt to undermine a government or political system. I like to point out the absurdity of this system and its norms/expectations/historical situation when relating to sex and gender. Once it is realised to be an artificial construct one is led to question more about their own gender and the way in which we view and treat others based on gender.

The system is based upon and built upon myths. Womanhood is a mythological state. Myths are used as evidence and in the creation of what it is to be a woman. We are assigned mythological categories, for example, the witch, the mother, earth goddess, bitch, whore, virgin. These myths are taken to be types of woman and seen as inevitable and intrinsic to being a woman.

Womanhood is a constructed and recognisable system of signs and symbols with semantic meanings. Much of these are based in consumerism and are not innate to womanhood but assigned to us.

The gender system is inextricably linked to the consumer system. Women’s bodies are treated as consumer items. We are there to be gazed upon. We are used to sell products and ideas. We are the consumer. Our products are more expensive. It costs more to be a woman. There has been a commodification of feminism too. There is also a link between how we treat women and how we treat the environment and the way in which goods are over produced to feed into the system of women looking good.

Women are viewed as objects and often feel they are objects this then leads to violence and discarding of the real person, emotions, thoughts.

Self-maintenance is a system of oppression which involves the buying, using, and maintaining of a plethora of consumer items, such as makeup, hair products, clothing, skin care, homewares, accessories, nails, and decorations, in order to look the part enough to be treated with kindness, to be given respect, or to be treated as capable.

This is linked to pretty privilege and thin privilege, and the way in which we pressure women to be slimmer / smaller / more childlike.

The ideal woman, small, thin, pleasing, cute, hairless etc is a child.

There is the constant weight of the gaze, the feeling of always being watched, always being viewed, always performing. There is the male gaze, the feminist gaze, the social gaze, the loop gaze ETC. There is the perceived gaze but there is also the intended gaze, the intended audience, the intended reaction and perception.

We are born into social and cultural subsections we can never escape. As much as we may try, we are rarely allowed to be other than our assigned categories. We celebrate those who change their stars but never let them forget where they started.

My work is a conversation with the work of artists and writers, a reaction to or questioning of or exploration of ideas I feel they have expressed. If women’s narrative is being written, I want my work to be adding to the story. (See women of note)

The me in my work (why and how it is me making it)

I like to play, escape, have fun, dance, find pleasure. This is part of the creative process. It is the why and the how I make things. Absurdity and the extraordinary in the mundane

Voyeurism, being seen, watched, performing to a gaze, joy in shocking people, challenging people, playing up to be controversial

BPD + fantasy + ADHD = disassociation and feelings of unreality. Not sure what is real, what is happening.

BPD and the female experience also mean that there is little to no solid sense of self, performance is an act of declaration and an invitation to be defined. To be seen is to be categorised and given some basis with which to latch on an identity.

ADHD means I am always too much, too loud, too vocal, too wierd, too opinionated, too much in appearance.

BPD means that I manipulate myself in order to be loved, seen, feel stable, feel accepted.

The inner and the outer self, the projection of fitting in, the hiding through projection. The unrealities of self. The inner self lives in fantasy and play, the outer self uses glitter and colour.

It is hard to separate BPD, ADHD and my experience as a woman. I do not feel that my work is about these things but that these conditions enhance the things I face as a woman. They’re a big part of why I analyse life and its performances and why I often play the part to be normal which has often failed. I now tend to reject norms and accept the idea that I am seen as different from those around me.

I feel that I have inadvertently taken part in a system, and contributed to a system that has become a lifelong performance of gender.

Self creation and reinvention. I use dressing up, costume, glitter, makeup, hair to perform my gender and play the part. I do this in order to either protect, project, or hide myself within the gender boundaries. I both enjoy this as an act and as play and also find it tedious and time consuming and expensive.

I like to play with ideas of hyper femininity, gender ideals, extremes, tropes, expectations, and performed femininity. I like to use pop culture and the idea of feminine spaces as well as discovering places of communal femininity. I also like to explore femininity in the male form and question these female expectations in a male body.

My work is an act of questioning the social and cultural expectations in systems that have created and supported events in my life as well as who I am and the way I am seen and treated.

I find it difficult to share some of the more distressing aspects of my experience. For numerous reasons such as impostor syndrome, it could hurt or upset others who were involved, it could be distressing to others if too explicit. Because of this I hide behind glitter and colour and symbols.

Being a woman, an object, playing the part, can often make you feel unreal, not a person. In part my work is a stating of who and what I am, what I decide to be, what I accept and what I reject, how I choose to express my inner self. It is a way of showing that this is a life. That I am here, that I exist, that this is living, the I feel, it is proof of a life. It is a record. It is also asking others to see me. To validate my existence.

There is a sense of loneliness and isolation, as Judith Butler says there is a system and as actors in that system we create and support it. It can seem that other women are against otherness in womanhood, marking or rejection of the system. I am hoping that my work will add to the questioning and the exploration to help add variety and choice to views of womanhood.